Mr Mitigating Chaos revisits Dale Carnegie’s classic.
It’s one of the best-selling books ever, with 30 million copies sold, but I’ve never read it … and now it’s on my Must Read list.
Category: Presence & Presentation
Firstly, a huge hat-tip to Rob Firchau at The Hammock Papers for this delicious rabbit hole.
Rob quotes part of a letter from Chekhov to his older, artist (and dissolute) brother in which he upbraids him on his behaviour. It includes the Latin, veritas magis amicitiae, from which my pitiful command of the language extracted “truth” and “friend(ship?)” and maybe possibly “magic” … which seemed unlikely.
Therefore, from the first chamber of the burrow, I can report the phrase comes from “Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas” which, attributed to Aristotle, literally means, “Plato is my friend, but truth is a greater/better friend.” Effectively, truth is greater, or more important, than friendship.
Deeper down the rabbit hole (over at The Marginalian, which I hadn’t visited in ages), I find a fuller rendering of Chekhov’s letter where he lists the eight qualities of “cultured” or decent people. Check them out in full, well worth reading, but in summary:
- They respect human personality, and therefore they are always kind, gentle, polite, and ready to [accommodate] others.
- They have sympathy not for beggars and cats alone. Their heart aches for what the eye does not see… They sit up at night in order to help P., to pay for brothers at the University, and to buy clothes for their mother.
- They respect the property of others, and therefore pay their debts.
- They are sincere, and dread lying like fire. They don’t lie even in small things. A lie is insulting to the listener and puts him in a lower position in the eyes of the speaker. …Out of respect for other people’s ears they more often keep silent than talk.
- They do not disparage themselves to rouse compassion.
- They have no shallow vanity. They do not care for such false diamonds as knowing celebrities…
- If they have a talent they respect it. They sacrifice to it rest, women, wine, vanity… They are proud of their talent… Besides, they are fastidious.
- They develop the aesthetic feeling in themselves. They cannot go to sleep in their clothes, see cracks full of bugs on the walls, breathe bad air, walk on a floor that has been spat upon, cook their meals over an oil stove.
Signing off, Chekhov tells his brother, “You must drop your vanity, you are not a child.”
Some people “never read fiction”. Life, it seems, is too short for its frivolity when there remain Great Books to be read.
Yet, well-written fiction has the power to bring emotion and experience to life, accelerating (vicariously) the individual experience. And, as psychologists know, a deeply imagined experience has the same effect as one directly experienced. Hence, the power of visualisation in sport (and life) coaching.
Here’s a fantastic, case study, example from the Art of Manliness’s Brett McKay.
Continue reading “Charisma and the power of great fiction writing”
Here’s an interesting post from Hunter Walk on how he, as an introvert, copes with large events.
The most important aspect of introversion isn’t “shyness”, it’s that being around other people drains your energy. By definition, extroverts need social interaction in order to gain energy. They come alive in social gatherings. They find it draining to study alone.
Introverts are the opposite. Simply attending large events is physically and mentally exhausting, but sometimes, as a sovereign professional, you just need to do it. You need to attend and learn, to see and be seen. The answer is to be measured in your selection and to pace yourself:
Over time, and in the interest of self-care, here’s how I’ve approached my own expectations and behaviors at events, especially day-long or multi-day conferences:
A. Depth Not Breadth When Meeting New People at Conferences: … So I changed my definition of success. It’s fine if I end up seeing a bunch of people but, really, if I can have meaningful conversations with just five, 10, 15 people over the course of a day, that’s a win.
Photo by Ezra Jeffrey on Unsplash
Design graduate Andy Morris stands out from the CV (resume) crowd. Dezeen has the story:
Instead of a typical paper CV, graduate designer Andy Morris has created a Lego Minifigure in his own likeness to send out to potential employers.
Morris, 34, recently completed an interior design degree at the University of South Wales, and is now looking for a full-time design role. He decided to create an unconventional CV to help him stand in a competitive jobs market.
What a cool idea.
As a sovereign professional, you spend an inordinate amount of time entering unfamiliar rooms, full of strangers. It’s unavoidable. You need to meet new clients and potential clients. You need to attend conferences, training and those semi-social-semi-business occasions.
You may even feel that life is a little too long, so you burn some surplus life-energy at “Networking Events”.
The Art of Manliness blog has some top tips on commanding the room. It’s practical, simple stuff we should all do, but forget in the anxiety of the moment, such as:
- Walk in boldly
- Stand up straight!
- Make eye contact
The rest, with background detail, here.
Image: AP Photo / Sony Pictures